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I, then a pastor of a Christian church, was at the hospital. My late mother had been admitted following diagnosis of cancer. Juanita was there with her sister. After leaving, I wrote these words...
Juanita is a delightful, young African woman from the state of New York. I met her in the hospital at Augusta, GA. She has a beautiful smile, enjoys gleeful laughter, and shares her enthusiastic faith in God, even as her younger sister is seriously ill with cancer and lying in a nearby hospital room.
My brother, Mike, introduced me to Juanita. I sat in the chair beside her in the waiting room. As she told of her family crisis and spoke of her joy in Christ, I sensed a need to pray with her. So, before leaving the waiting room, I smiled and asked that we pray, all three of us, together. I reached out my hands, and Mike and Juanita joined me in a circle of prayer. I prayed; then, Juanita prayed, also.
Through the following days I would meet Juanita in the waiting room or hallway. I, also, met her mother, who did not have the joyful spirit of the daughter. Rather, the mother spoke of her pain at the younger daughter’s illness, and her behavior was one of weariness and worry. Also, I sensed under the smile of Juanita was a heart hurting deeply for her younger sister.
Therefore, the last time I saw Juanita, before my leaving the hospital, was in the hall outside the waiting room. I smiled in response to her usual smile. However, this time, I reached out and hugged her close. Hugging her, I spoke to her, as she rested her head against me. “I know you have strong faith, but I know you hurt, also… It hurts, doesn’t it?” In holding her and speaking her pain for her, I felt her resting and knowing she was safe. I, too, felt a rush of compassion move through me. And, when letting go of Juanita and looking at her in the eyes, I saw this time, not only the joy of a smile, I saw fresh tears, likewise.
See, I must share this, as best I can in words. But, words cannot contain the bliss I feel. Brian, maybe like you, often feels that something he lacks is what he wants, and his mind can focus on that sense of lack or disappointment. But, there are graced moments in my life, wherein all sense of lack is extinguished in a living Flame of Fulfillment, a pure Self-Emptying, wherein a prior unity annihilates all felt deficiency or need and my Self, the Self of all, is fulfilled beyond description. These moments, for me, now, generally happen in graced and spontaneous moments of offering service to a person in need or communing with someone and sensing all sense of separation melt in the bliss of the atmosphere of pure Agape, or God-Love.
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